First I should say, I am so thankful. I have no reason not to be. I am thankful for my Kenyan family; for Maggie, a wonderful, strong, giving woman. Thankful for the relationships I built with the kids there, and the other volunteers. Even people from my own country gave me new insight about myself and the World. Ive heard so many people say it about their volunteer trips, but I just didnt think that it would apply to me: "The trip affected me more than I affected the people I was with." Now, really I dont know this for sure. I can say that, no, I didnt see any amazing, life changing moments that occurred directly because of me while I was there- but, flowers dont bloom in a day. I do know that I helped to plant seeds though. We helped bring revolutionary ideas: ideas like women can be smart, and have a place in society, outside of the home. Ideas like how independent thought is good and necessary, and should be explored! Like how having a God is exciting and powerful, not just rules from a book or punishments for not following them. Like how God loves us, and wants to be loved too. I know that those seeds are there.... now I just have to pray for rain.
We did see some exciting things- Kathy and I bought pens, pencils and exercise books for the whole school. It was great to know that none of the kids had to pretend to write with the tip of his finger anymore. (Special thanks to Mom & Dad, Nate & Heather, Jon, and Steve & Gile for funds for this!) In a school where 6 students share 1 textbook, I got to hand out storybooks, poetry and Bibles. (Thank you to Rachel, Debby, Brad, and Brooke for that!) And even the small gifts meant the world to kids who have nothing.
I didnt cry much in Kenya (quite a feat for me, actually), but there was one thing that I saw that really tore me up. I had a second family there, Beatrice, my other mom- the one I (attempted to) help get water, and her 2 kids, Mary and Collins. Beatrice's husband left her with the children, and no job or money or place to live. So my mom, Maggie, had an extra house on the land where the clinic is, and insisted that Beatrice bring the kids and come live there with her. It saved Beatrice. Being able to host volunteers is a great way for Maasai families to create some type of income (since they get 500 Kenyan Shillings ksg a day to feed/house them). Maggie has been hosting for over a year, but Beatrice just got her first volunteer while I was there- it was so exciting! It meant a lot for her. One day I went to the house to see Jenny, the volunteer who was living with my family. I asked her where Beatrice's bed was, since Jenny had been given Bea's old room. She pointed me to the room where the kids used to sleep, so I asked where their bed was now. It was behind a sheet hung in the main room. I pulled back the sheet, and thats when I welled up. It was a metal frame, with something like trampoline springs stretched between the beams, and a 1/2" thick foam blanket draped across part of it. Surely, this could not be what these two, happy, loving, life-filled children slept on every night! I was so overwhelmed with sadness, but at the same time, shame. That shame where you think, yeah, I did get mad today when that lady stole my parking spot at the movie (that I paid $10 to go see). Life for this family was so great, nothing to complain about- because they had each other. They are alive! And so thankful for it.... Why dont I live like that? Even being there, you forget that these people have nothing because their faces dont tell that story. They tell you that they are happy to be alive, and excited that you are there to share that with them. They say thank you and welcome.
I wish that I had nothing but positive things to say about my trip. I couldnt honestly say that though. It was nothing about my family, nothing about IVHQ, just, well, Ill just take this one straight out of my journal:
"I can honestly say that Kenya brought me to a rude awakening as far as what I thought about humanity. I mean I do have faith in some humanity- but even as I write this, I see the flaw in my reasoning. Faith shouldnt rest in people. We are only here for a short time, we are as frail as breath, how can we have faith put in us?! But back to humanity... I thought people would be genuinely thankful for 'things', but I rarely (none come to mind) saw that. It was mainly an attitude of "more", or "mine", or "me", or "personal gain". I guess I thought those who had none would be happy with some, but here was just a need for more. Which is also a weird contrast to the materialism you (dont) see. When we gave the supplies to the kids at school, many of them lied the next week and said that they didnt get anything. And then by the next week I found that some kids actually didnt have anything to write with. I asked them what they had done with their materials, "I lost it" they said. I feel like if I didnt have something that I really wanted, and then got it- I wouldnt lose it. Simon (host dad) described the Kenyan mentality as "African money"- you have it today, and its gone tomorrow. I think this actually says a lot about this culture and way of life. Its like whatever benefits someone today is the only important thing. Tomorrow is not a thought in anyone's mind. If a personal gain is attained by hurting someone, its fine because they dont think about the need for that relationship later. There is no saving for tomorrow or next week. Its in hand today, gone tomorrow. This is really well illustrated by some Canadians that I met while I was there. They were volunteering in Tanzania and also working with a school project that decided to purchase supplies for the students. They had to personally give each thing to the students and have a talk with they about how this is their gift- no one can take it away- not teachers, parents, no one! Apparently, they had had supplies bought in the past and teachers and some parents took the supplies and re-sold them for their own profit. To steal from a child's education is to truly rob your country of any potential for a positive change in the future."
In a country where the word 'corruption' is in the newspaper everyday, you would just assume that maybe it was a big deal, not a regular occurrence. But I guess since its slapped all over the papers, its not that big of a deal either. I really cant even get into all the corruption that I saw when I was there, it is absolutely everywhere. Its in their blood, its just a way of life- survival. Its so sad, but its just how it is. When you ask the kids what they want to do when they grow up, its almost always "be the new president of Kenya, and fight corruption". They know its a problem! Ask a 5th grader in the states what corruption is, see what they come up with.
But with all that, I love the Kenyan people. I love Kenya. I truly loved the trip. I learned so much about myself, like that Im so very selfish. But not big selfish things- little, dumb things! Like not wanting to let the kids in my room because I just want 5 minutes of alone time, or not wanting to share a silly, frivolous thing with the whole house. Im embarrassed to even write it, but I think that will make me deal with it.
Values of Maasai culture that just got it right:
Service: Especially the women. They serve, and serve and never complain. (Those who want to be first, must be last...) But you dont serve to become great, you serve out of love and respect.
Time: What is time anyway? Just relax and enjoy! If things arent done in your time, well, life goes on. Its a good thing life doesnt revolve around us.
Work: Although I think kids should be allowed to be kids, I kind of like (to a certain extent) the work ethic that Maasai kids have. Its good to want to work hard and do well in life! But fun, well thats important too....
I dont believe that life is a series of events, randomly put together, like beads on a string. I think that its more than that, that each moment can carry possibilities for moments to come later in life. That details that we dont know are important now can be monumental pieces to the puzzle later. I think this trip was a huge piece to my puzzle. I am so thankful for the heart for Africa God has given me. I know the effects of this trip are just beginning and Im excited to see where they run from here. Africa, I will miss you, but Im sure this is not goodbye.
you're a very beautiful writer. and a beautiful person. and i love you.
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